Alone but Strong

Single mother of two beautiful girls trying to rebuild my life. One day at a time.

Just Another Thursday Night

I was going to drop off my girls with their dad at 4.30PM, he was 10 min late getting home… I should be used to it by now, but on some level it still bothers me. It reminds me of all the times that I’ve waited for him to show up at the time that he said he would. But I’m getter better, I sat down, let the kids play in his front yard and waited patiently, not calling to ask where he was. I need to remember not to let it get to me, it doesn’t matter, it only lets me spend some extra time with my daughters! Try and look at from the positive side, that’s how I try to look at everything right now.

On the way home, I had plans to go to the store and pick up something to cook for dinner, but changed my mind while driving and just heated some leftovers instead. I have a hard time doing things like cooking for only me. I don’t like it! I like having people eat what I make and to have company while eating. I think that is one of the hardest things about being alone, I really don’t like eating alone! So I heat leftovers and eat on the couch in front of the TV. That doesn’t make me feel particularly good about myself… I really miss the girls when they’re not here!!! I like having time to do something by myself, but the nights/days that I don’t have any plans, it’s horrible to be without them. It’s not how I pictured my life turning out… And I can’t expect my friends to have time to go out to dinner with me all the evenings that I don’t have the girls. Plus, I couldn’t afford that even if I wanted to!

Now, I’ve eaten too much (also a problem with eating in front of the TV) and it’s only 7.22PM and I don’t know what to do with the rest of the evening. I’m catching up on shows on my DVR, things that I really don’t want to watch, only recorded to have something to view on evenings when I’m alone. That’s one of the things that I need to do, try to figure out something to do with my time when the girls are not here. Something that makes me feel good. Days are easier to fill, especially during summer, I have so much to do in my yard/garden, but evenings are harder. Plus working in the yard is not fun to do for more than a few hours a day.

I probably need to start a list, I love lists, of things that I would like to try, things to do, fun things that I would like to do, things to see.

So to-do list:
1) Make a list

…oh well, I’ll think about it 🙂

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