Alone but Strong

Single mother of two beautiful girls trying to rebuild my life. One day at a time.

Pictures On My Wall

I envy the divorced women with no kids, who can try to completely remove the former spouse from their lives. I have to say that sounds wonderful!!! When you have kids you don’t have that luxury.  I’m not saying that it isn’t hard to divorce when you don’t have kids, not at all, divorce sucks no matter what. But when you have kids, you still have to have contact when it’s done. You have to try to keep things cordial. And any changes have to be done so much slower for the children’s sake. My girls were 4 and 5 when their dad moved out, they had no idea what divorce even meant.

So, I spent the following 6 months with pictures of the four of us on my bed room walls… I woke up and the first thing I saw was his smiling face, talk about torture!!!! When I finally changed out that picture and put a picture of my girls there instead, the next morning my youngest started crying asking where the picture was.  But I stood firm and said that I liked looking at their beautiful faces in the morning. Then a month later I changed out the other picture to a painting my older daughter had brought home from school that she was really proud of. It is a relief not to have pictures up anymore, but the rest of the house is pretty much the same as when he left… He didn’t take much furniture, he wanted to “keep things the same for the girls”.  To me that is BS, he wanted nothing to do with our life, he wanted a brand new start, with brand new things. So he went out and bought new furniture and I’m walking around in the mausoleum of our life. I’ve moved a few things around, but that is the extent of it. I can’t afford to throw it all out and buy new things, even though that is what I would love to do.

Some days I wish I could move, but other days I feel so fortunate to be able to stay in the house that I love. I guess it all depends on how I’m feeling about life at that particular moment. Life really is an emotional roller coaster! Some days are better than others. I can’t wait for one of the up moments to come again, that’s the positive right now, I know that there are up moments, I only have to wait it out. For a while there I didn’t think I would ever be happy again.

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2 Comments

  1. You are absolutely right about divorce being easier when one is without kids. I am a soon to be divorcee and sometimes I think thankfully without kids because I can have a clean break from my ex and do not have to stay cordial even when my thoughts about him are otherwise.
    I am sorry that you have to go through all this, especially live with reminders of your ex. Wait it out as you say, better days are in store.

    • I’m so sorry that you are going through this as well. It has gotten easier in some ways, we don’t have much contact at all anymore, which feels good. I’m continuing to change things around the house to make it more mine!

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