Alone but Strong

Single mother of two beautiful girls trying to rebuild my life. One day at a time.

Disappointment

Some days I’m really happy that my girls are still so young that they don’t understand what their dad does. Maybe it’s only me, overreacting again, I don’t know, what do you think?

Next week is our youngest daughter’s 5th birthday on Friday. She was supposed to spend the night before at his house, wake up on her birthday at his house and then come home to me and then to school. So a few days ago, he e-mailed me and asked if he could skip (his word, not mine) that night since he’s taking them extra on that following weekend (I’m running my first 10k on that Sunday). He had something that he needed to do… I had offered to drop them late on Saturday and pick them up right after my race on Sunday (so by noon the latest), he had said that he could pick them up on his way home from a race he was doing on Saturday, no problem at all. So I don’t know what is so important that it could not be done on Sunday night, Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night or Friday night that week.

I have my suspicions though. Some friends of mine, that work for the same company as him and his new girlfriend had to cancel plans with me for that Thursday too because his new girlfriend is hosting a dinner for her employees that night (one of my friends reports to her). So if that is the case, he is choosing to go to a work dinner with his girlfriend over waking up and seeing his daughter on her birthday. He did not ask if he could see her on her birthday at all, didn’t even mention her birthday in his e-mail. I’m tired of being his conscience, that is not my job anymore.

Luckily I had not told her that she was supposed to go to his house that night, and we hadn’t turned the calendar over that is on the refrigerator, so I could go and erase that night before flipping it over to September. But I can’t help but to feel disappointed again by his actions. I should know by now that he is very selfish, it’s not a surprise to me. I think it hits extra hard when it affects my children, even though she doesn’t yet realize it. Unfortunately I don’t see him changing his way anytime soon… And soon she too will understand and be terribly hurt by his actions (if the divorce wasn’t hurt enough).

Writing about it helps me process it and I realize I shouldn’t feel disappointed about it, I should be happy about it. His actions mean that I will wake up and sing to her and give her presents on the morning of her birthday, not him! I will get to spend the day with her (except the 3.5 hours that she’s in Kindergarten). I will make her birthday a wonderful day, make another memory for us!

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