Do I Dare Look Too Closely at My Life?
In my previous post I talked about figuring out what I like and what I don’t like. The problem was that the questions that started to pop up in my head were scary:
Do I want to live in a big house?
Do I like having a garden?
Am I cut out to be a mother?
Why did I get a cat?
How did I end up here?
Horrible questions and I don’t know if I can allow myself to try to answer them. I think that some things I don’t have the luxury of looking to closely at right now. I’m going to have to accept that this is where I’m at, no matter how I got here, if this is what I wanted or not, the facts remain the same. I’m here. In the middle of suburbia, a stay-at-home mother of two children, with a big house and big yard. And I better suck it up! The pity party has to stop now, I’m not doing myself any favors today! What started out as “what kind of cookies do I like” took a very scary detour but I can’t be asking some of the other questions right now.
Some more practical details need answering instead:
When do I go back to work?
What shall I work with?
These are things that need answering within the next year or so! And what better time than now to try to figure that part of my life out instead of contemplate things that I really can’t change even if secretly I would love too…
- Posted in: Life