I don’t know if any of you have been watching the show Go On with Matthew Perry as the widowed Ryan. It’s mostly funny but it has some things in it that strike a chord with me. In one of the first episodes Ryan says to his assistant Carrie: “I want to know that someone is thinking about me even if I’m not there”. In last night’s episode he was feeling lonely and thought that starting to date might be something he should do. After a few failed pick up attempts at a beach volleyball game he says, again to Carrie: “I don’t want to be doing all of this Carrie, I want to be married”. In both these instances he looks so sad and lonely and I know exactly how he feels.
I think that is the worst about the divorce, I really liked being married, I never imagined myself divorced and I didn’t want it! I still have a tendency when people ask if I’m divorced to say: “Yes, but it wasn’t my idea”. I’m sort of apologizing for the fact.
I don’t want to date, but I’m lonely. I want someone to think about me when I’m not there and I want someone to sit next to on the couch in the evening and sleep next to at night.