Alone but Strong

Single mother of two beautiful girls trying to rebuild my life. One day at a time.

Go On

I don’t know if any of you have been watching the show Go On with Matthew Perry as the widowed Ryan. It’s mostly funny but it has some things in it that strike a chord with me. In one of the first episodes Ryan says to his assistant Carrie: “I want to know that someone is thinking about me even if I’m not there”. In last night’s episode he was feeling lonely and thought that starting to date might be something he should do. After a few failed pick up attempts at a beach volleyball game he says, again to Carrie: “I don’t want to be doing all of this Carrie, I want to be married”. In both these instances he looks so sad and lonely and I know exactly how he feels.

I think that is the worst about the divorce, I really liked being married, I never imagined myself divorced and I didn’t want it! I still have a tendency when people ask if I’m divorced to say: “Yes, but it wasn’t my idea”. I’m sort of¬†apologizing for the fact.

I don’t want to date, but I’m lonely. I want someone to think about me when I’m not there and I want someone to sit next to on the couch in the evening and sleep next to at night.

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5 Comments

  1. This touched me to tears. I hope you have a goodnight.

    • I’ve been in a funk lately, I think it’s because of the holidays.

  2. I too always correct the ‘I heard you and xyz have separated’ (as if some mutual decision had been made). ‘No’, I say defensively. He left. His choice. Not mine.

    It can hurt deeply not having someone there to share in the good times and the bad times and even in the everyday times. You are strong and you will get through. I am starting to really enjoy my solitude. Divorce has given me this rich opportunity to discover myself that i had never ever dreamed of having.

  3. I feel for you and hope that your friends fill in some of the gaps. I had a girlfriend who would call me during the 10:00 p.m.show we both liked weekly. She and I would talk during the commercials and our kids were in bed. She would say, “I am getting sleepy but please don’t hang up yet…” this works well now with cell phones, at the time I just had a regular phone and dragged the cord to my bedside! Keep your chin up! Thanks for liking my posts!

    • I like that idea! Thank you for the advice!

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