Going Thru the Motions
Christmas is almost upon us and it’ll be my first alone. Last year we were still in the middle of divorce proceedings and even though he had moved out, he came for Christmas, ate the traditional Swedish Christmas dinner that I had prepared and stayed the night so that he could be there when the girls opened their presents in the morning. He had even gotten me a Christmas gift… This year will be different. Per our agreement he has them from Dec 19 until Dec 25 at 9AM. So with no family in this country I will be alone on Christmas.
My plan is to ignore the fact that it is Christmas and pretend it doesn’t start until the girls come home. Instead of celebrating on Christmas Eve which is the tradition in Sweden, I’ll make all the food for Christmas Day instead. I’ll probably scale down on the number of dishes I’ll make, only make the ones I love.
I was supposed to have the girls for the rest of the week but since my ex-mother-in-law is flying in from Sweden I said that my ex could have the girls between December 28 in the evening and January 1st in the morning (she’s leaving on the 1st). I’m doing this for my daughters, it’s been two years since they saw her last. My youngest doesn’t remember her… And I really love my ex-mother-in-law, I wish she would spend some time with me. I even suggested that to the ex, assuming that he was working between Christmas and New Year, but he’s taken that time off so she’ll stay with him… He did say that I was welcome to spend Christmas with them, but that feels very wrong to me. I know that if I say yes it’ll be because I don’t want to be alone, but I also know that when I spend time with him I feel really bad. So I think it’s better that I try to find something to fill my time until the girls get home and then celebrate with them.
For now, I’m going thru the motions, pretending that everything is the same as always. The girls and I have made a gingerbread house today, I’ve made lots of dough for tomorrows annual gingerbread baking party. The house is decorated. We’re going to take pictures with Santa tomorrow.
Anybody else out there going to be alone for Christmas?