When Will I Learn?
When will I learn to not engage my ex? I did the mistake this Sunday, I called him because he had not answered an email with a question regarding Monday. And somehow it turned into a fight. I was trying to explain that I don’t trust him because he did lie and cheat on me for a long time. And it ended up with him telling me that part of the reason that we are not together anymore is that I was trying to control everything that he did, that my opinion was the only one that mattered and that I was purposely trying to make his life miserably. I calmly said, we have nothing more to discuss, good-bye and hung up the phone. He called back and left a message on the machine rambling on about the same things.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m to most non-confrontational person, I always give in, he was always the one making decisions and talking me into it. Why would I have tried to make him miserable? I loved him, I did everything for him. The crazy part in all of this is that during our divorce he told me that I was too nice, I made it to easy for him to cheat, I trusted him to much. How does these two versions of reality add up? They don’t! I need to learn to not talk to him. Not try to make him understand my point of view because if it differs from what he thinks, I’m the one trying to decide everything and I’m not listening to anyone else. Not that I understand how trying to explain that I don’t trust him is an opinion that I have. I see it as truth. He lied to me therefore I don’t trust him. That is not up for discussion.
I’ve always felt that it’s the opposite, but that is my opinion and I understand if he does not see it that way. Here is a typical example of where he made a decision without any input from me, concerning our daughters. Friday he sends me an email stating that his relationship with C (the woman he had an affair with) had actually been over since August, they had only been together on and off after that. But now he had a new woman, E, in his life and it was getting so serious that he felt it was time for the girls to meet her. They would meet her sometime during the upcoming weekend. I wrote back, questioning why? Isn’t it too soon? I checked Facebook and he had added E as a friend sometime in January… He had no interest in hearing my concerns and it turns out they had already planned the meeting for Saturday.
Anyway I’m not going to let him ruin the good place I’m in right now. It doesn’t really matter what excuse he uses for wanting out of our marriage. I have to remember that what he thinks is not what I have to think anymore, because I’m free! I am allowed to have my own opinions, my own views of things, he does not control that anymore.