Alone but Strong

Single mother of two beautiful girls trying to rebuild my life. One day at a time.

Meditation

A little over a year ago I turned to meditation to try to quiet my mind. I was at the end of divorce proceedings, I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating, my mind would give me no rest. It kept re-hashing every single detail and it was driving me crazy. So I sat down and tried to calm it down and I have to say it was one of the best moves I’ve ever made. Meditation has really helped me. I urge everyone to give it a try. I find that 30 min is the minimum for me to get the most out of it, maybe because I’m still so untrained that it takes that long to settle down. It’s hard to take the time so I’ve joined a few meditation groups to force me to take the time to sit.

I was reminded this past week of how important it is. My girls came home on Monday morning and it takes them about two days to tell me about their weekend, I try to not ask questions other than general ones like “How was your weekend?” “Did you sleep OK?”. So on Tuesday my oldest told me that the new girlfriend, E, had slept over and that she was really surprised when she woke up in the morning and went into daddy’s room and E was sleeping in his bed… So the woman that they have met maybe 4 times over the past 3 weekends (that was the third weekend) is now spending the night. And they had not told the girls that she was going to???!!!

So I asked my younger one who always wakes up at night about it and she said “I woke up and walked into daddy’s room and E was there so I didn’t know what to do so I walked back to my sister but she was sleeping so I walked into daddy again and got into his bed and slept”. My heart dropped. He had even sent me an email on Monday about the weekend (we’ve been trying to reintroduce dairy into our youngest diet so we keep each other updated on how it’s gone) and he did say that she woke up and came into his bed but no mention of E being in it too. I tried to not let it bother me, but that night I had a really hard time sleeping.

So the next morning while the girls were in school I sat down to meditate on what to do. I ended up sending a short email stating that I know that there is nothing I can do about it but that I’m not happy that she is already spending the night and that I wished they would have told the girls beforehand. He did not respond to the email at all. It doesn’t matter I got to say what I had on my mind and I’ve slept better.

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5 Comments

  1. I’ve been in similar situations and it isn’t easy. My thoughts returned to those moments while reading this entry. Thank you for sharing! Wishing you peaceful thoughts, dear one!

    • Thank you! I think meditating and writing about it has helped, I feel much better about the whole situation right now.

  2. Good for you to have let him know how you felt in calm and rational way.
    It must be difficult at time, but you appear to be weathering the storm.
    Keep on keeping on 🙂

    • Thank you! He reacted exactly how I expected, no email back and let her spend both nights this past weekend when the girls were there…

  3. You are taking the “high road” and someday the grace you have shown will be remembered when your daughters are facing something similar.

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