Alone but Strong

Single mother of two beautiful girls trying to rebuild my life. One day at a time.

Never Show Favoritism

I was reminded again this week why it is so important to never show your children that you have a favorite. It doesn’t matter how old your children are, it will never stop hurting! I have two foster sisters, I’m the only biological child to my parents. My mother has always favored my youngest sister, she claims that she never did or does, but it became clear again this week to me that she still does.

For long time I resented my mother and did not want to have anything to do with her. I went away to college and never really went back (the sister in question got my room a few months after I left for college). It also caused a rift between me and my sister. She thinks I’m overreacting when I say something.

I guess that is one of the reasons it was easy for me to move across the Atlantic away from that situation. I missed my friends more than my family… Sad but true.

Then when my first daughter was born, I started keeping in touch more with my mother. And after the divorce even more, we talk about once a week on the phone now. So she knows what is going on in my life. This past Fall my sister ran a long race in Sweden, 30k, so right between a half and a full marathon. My mother was so interested in how it was going, she was waiting for a call for when it was done etc, she told me on the phone. I didn’t think much of it until this past Tuesday. My mother knew that I was training to run a half marathon but she never asked when it was. So on Tuesday when I called I told her about all the mulch I had ordered and how hard it is to move it all by myself. Especially after being tired from the half marathon on Sunday. And the reaction, none! She said don’t do too much in one day. Not one single question about my race. Not what time did I get. Not how did it feel to do it. Nothing! I finished the phone call soon after that and felt so sad. I felt what is the point in telling her about my life if she is not interested in hearing about it?

This is a plea to all the parents out there, please show all your children the same amount of attention. Because if you don’t, it hurts.

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4 Comments

  1. I think the main thing to learn is that we are not responsible for other people’s choices (even though at times they hurt); but that we can always make good choices ourselves.

  2. This is such good advice. I’m sad that your mother doesn’t give you the same warmth. It’s hard when our parents let us down. Congrats on running a half-marathon! Wow! I’ve been reading your posts, and I feel sad your ex has let you and your daughters down, too. You sound like you are getting to a happier place where you can take the irritations in stride. Good job! You’re an inspiration.

    • Thank you! I’m a work in progress.

      • We all are. Makes life more interesting that way. 🙂

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