Alone but Strong

Single mother of two beautiful girls trying to rebuild my life. One day at a time.

Here We Go Again

So before our trip, things blew up with my ex regarding parenting time for the future, you can read more about it here. So after we came back I sent an e-mail on Monday July 22 asking when he would be available for mediation so that I can set it up. No answer. Monday August 5 I send another e-mail asking if he wants to do mediation for the Fall or if we should stick to the original separation agreement. No answer. Yesterday, Tuesday August 6, I send yet another e-mail, making sure that he understands that school starts in 3 weeks and we have to decide what we are doing.

Last night I get a response:
“Have been busy, leaving tomorrow… maybe we can try to talk this out and see how far we get?

Overall – I want more time with the girls and a more equal sharing of their time. I understand that this coming year it would be difficult to impossible to share 50/50, and that the week night stays would be tough for them. It leaves weekends, but it is also very hard for me emotionally (and the girls too, I think) to be without them for 10-12 days. Maybe we can come up with a good solution.

But if we are both working, then maybe this year they go to school in xxx and next year in yyy– trade places. They are both good school systems, and the school in yyy is literally around the corner.

On daycare – I’m not ok with paying money for daycare unless it’s tied to both of us working. It’s an increased expense for me, without any value or benefit. I would like to understand what your plans are.”

So basically this is back to exactly the conversation we were having in the Spring. He wants more parenting time, but doesn’t want it during the weeks. I’m sure that his first suggestion will again be that he wants 4 out of 5 weekends, while I go back to work full-time and take all the hard days.

My response was only:
“I’m OK with talking this out on one condition, that when we’ve come to an agreement we go to a mediator/lawyer and have it written up and submitted to court. Or we write it up and submit ourselves if you think that is possible.
Do you agree to that?”

I’m not going to go through the motions again just to have him blow up over something and take it all back.

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9 Comments

  1. I think the whole thing about switching schools is not considering what is good for the girls at all – that would be kinda weird I think and maybe affect their educational performance.

    it doesn’t matter if the care of the children isn’t benefiting him if he can’t watch them then they have to go to care and that is the responsibility of both of you are parents

    • I couldn’t agree more. The sad thing is he goes around telling people that the reason he moved to the town he did is because it would be bad to take his girlfriend’s son out of his school. But for some strange reason the same reasoning does not apply to his own children. Thank you for stopping by and commenting!

  2. I think that you need mediation, also that ex should respond in a “timely manner” to all conversations and written messages. I agree that it is a challenge to fit all into a nice package but your children’s (daughters’) welfare and best interests must be taken into consideration. So hard, I was blessed with one ex who most of time, let me decide. I had a very special relationship with my second husband, no child visitation for no money. Worked since he was unfaithful in first six months of her life.

    • I would give anything to have him reply in a timely manner. So far he hasn’t responded to the message I sent yesterday morning. I think he does it on purpose to try and drive me crazy, since he knows that I like to have things in order. I don’t believe that he want the girls more time, he is only using that to hurt me. Otherwise how can you not respond to their e-mails for days when you haven’t seen them in weeks, that to me shows a complete lack of interest in them and what they need.

    • I hope things are going more smoothly! I just wanted to ‘check in’ with you! I appreciate your reading my posts and liking them! You are there for me, let me know if I can be ‘there for you,’ anytime, my dear! Smiles, Robin

  3. The balancing act with children must be very difficult.
    The children do need stability and they will be getting that through you.
    I hope for their sake (and yours) that you get into a pattern where you all know where you stand.

  4. I dislike his approach, this would drive me crazy, too! I am one who would deliberately stop being communicative, but this would not be appropriate! Take it easy, hang in there and you are now in my prayers for peace and patience! Although, some Christians say, that means you may get more trials to test your patience. I am asking God to understand the meaning behind my prayers and my heart, too.

  5. Thank you for all of your kind “likes” for my recent posts. I am hoping all is going well, back to school and your arrangements agreed upon? Take care and keep me posted!

  6. Yes get it in writing !!

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