I have realized that the biggest problem in my relationship with S is me… I’m terrified of being hurt again so I’m trying to make up reasons why I would be better off alone. He has given me absolutely no reason to not trust him. If we are together and he gets a text from his ex he shows it to me right away. She will ask him to do things for her, she initiates contact. This only means that he still has a problem saying no. But I have the same problem with my ex. If my ex asks to change a night visitation with the girls, I move my plans around for him. I can’t fault S for doing the same thing with his ex.
My best friend M, that I went to Sedona with in April, has said for months now that she feels sorry for S because he is so much more into me than I am into him. I think that is true, because I haven’t let myself fall for him. I’m fighting it. I think it is time to stop fighting and start living. After all, what is the worst thing that could happen? I get my heart broken again. So what? Isn’t that what life is all about? Trying to find love and happiness. Living every day to the fullest, not worrying about tomorrow and all the things that can go wrong.
It is time to put some wool socks on my cold feet!