Alone but Strong

Single mother of two beautiful girls trying to rebuild my life. One day at a time.

Cold Feet

I have realized that the biggest problem in my relationship with S is me… I’m terrified of being hurt again so I’m trying to make up reasons why I would be better off alone. He has given me absolutely no reason to not trust him. If we are together and he gets a text from his ex he shows it to me right away. She will ask him to do things for her, she initiates contact. This only means that he still has a problem saying no. But I have the same problem with my ex. If my ex asks to change a night visitation with the girls, I move my plans around for him. I can’t fault S for doing the same thing with his ex.

My best friend M, that I went to Sedona with in April, has said for months now that she feels sorry for S because he is so much more into me than I am into him. I think that is true, because I haven’t let myself fall for him. I’m fighting it. I think it is time to stop fighting and start living. After all, what is the worst thing that could happen? I get my heart broken again. So what? Isn’t that what life is all about? Trying to find love and happiness. Living every day to the fullest, not worrying about tomorrow and all the things that can go wrong.

It is time to put some wool socks on my cold feet!

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11 Comments

  1. Sometimes it does take relaxing and letting yourself go! I also have a little niggling feeling that there may be a little hesitancy for another reason. I like my friends, Bill and Gary, but the hugging is enough. When Gary asked me to kiss, I tried it. Nothing happened inside and somehow it ruined the friendship in my mind. But we are still once a month, hanging out and sometimes texting friends… There may be a reason for your not moving on. But, only you will know. I am glad you have S. to discuss and to let her know how it is going, more details, too. Friends are awesome! Great conundrum and wish there were more discussion here! Sending you best wishes, Robin

  2. Solving Maria

    From my perspective (and recent calamities), I would have cold feet because I’m not sure I can get my heart broken again. However, this could also indicate that you are very far ahead of me on this path.

    • You will get there too! Promise.

  3. I think it is totally okay to wait until ready, Maria! You are a wonderful person who will allow honesty to flow between you and this man, S. If he is totally into you, as your friend thinks, then he will WAIT! Otherwise, he will lose out on a great woman who is just not ready to go farther, yet! Take care and keep your chin up, you are making progress. You are being upfront with yourself and others. I was delusional at different points in this past 7 years of being single. It isn’t like I imagined, that is for sure!

  4. Life is all about risks, if we don’t take them we will never know. For example: My husband and I are leaving everything that is comfortable and familiar in Oregon. We packed our belongings sold our house, didn’t make much ad are leaving to Arizona. Without employment, just our “stuff” and a few dollars. But we need happiness away from the pain of the kids. Sometimes you just got to go for it!! Good luck.

    • I hope the move has gone smoothly, I really love Arizona. Sedona is the place I would move to if I could. And hopefully when my children are grown it is where I will move too.

      • Sedona is beautiful. We have not left Oregon yet, we are in transition at a friends, we sold our home a month ago and placed our belongings in storage. My husbands project at his place of employment ends January 31st and we will leave for AZ on February 1st. I am super excited. Arizona is a beautiful place to explore and spend our remaining days on this earth.

  5. Happy Holidays and best wishes for a Merry Christmas, Maria! I thought of you while watching the new “The Sound of Music.” Did you watch it? I felt the innocence of a nun and the playfulness, youth of Carrie Underwood went well with the story. I did not think Julie Andrews was anything but superb but the remake allows the younger generation to enjoy it. Carrie sang very beautifully and told an interviewer that growing up on a farm, she already knew how to yodel! Smiling and a hug for you! Robin

    • Merry Christmas to you too! I didn’t see it, but heard great things about it. I really loved the original and have seen it numerous times. Today it feels like Christmas, we have snow falling here in the north east and they are promising 6-12 inches. Big hug to you, Maria

  6. I hope that this new year brings you some pleasant surprises, a little douse of courage and always good health to you and yours! Hugs, Robin

  7. When I was dating…the one guy I dated post-divorce…I made pros/cons lists. I constantly analyzed it. With my ex, I was young and the relationship was easy. I didn’t make lists because what cons could there really be? Bahahaha!!!
    I think it shows your need to take it slow. It doesn’t measure your feelings, just your fear. Be kind to yourself. You deserve the gift of time along with his love.

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